[Olive has an orange. She is just turning it over in her hands while laying on her stomach on her bed, feet up in the air.] So, did you guys know that oranges are actually hybrids? Yeah, they're basically what came out of some ancient cultivation of a pomelo and a mandarin. I would love to know who had that idea, or who had the idea to make mutant fruit first, you know? Who took two different pieces of fruit in the same general family, and thought, you know, I want to combine these in some mutant awesome science so I can see the result.

Pretty sure I'd have to shake their hands, because this is the best mutant hybrid I've ever had.

[Aaand she's digging her thumb nail into it to start peeling it, tossing the rind over the side of the bed where...there is presumably a trash can.]

They also used them during the bubonic plague, I think, it was kind of cool. They took whole cloves and shoved them into an unpeeled orange, like all the way around. Early potpourri. It actually smells totally awesome.

Has anyone ever had wassail? It's this hot drink that was supposedly like mulled wine or cider or ale, but now it's like orange juice and a lot of other stuff, like cinnamon and nutmeg and...cardamon? Maybe Cardamon.

[And she has a slice sparated, now, and is holding it up for the camera.]

That, ladies and gentleman of the Barge of the Not-Quite-Damned, is how you peel an orange. Which, coincidentally, is classified as a type of berry. Which I still find kind of weird. It's a hesperidium. Go ahead, say it with me. Hesperidium.

[Om nom orange.]

So I propose someone decorates oranges with cloves and helps me hang them all over the barge.

That, or someone play pool with me.

So this is what you guys warned me about, huh. [Someone seems kind of put out. And maybe a tiny bit shaken. And bruised, but she's ignoring that. She's got a guitar in her lap, but she's just holding it there, not playing.]

I don't get how you can just - shoot someone and--

No, sorry, we don't need more of that. [She leans forward and fiddles at the computer, and in the background Pocket Fulla Sunshine is now playing quietly. Then she leans back in her chair again, hands on the guitar.]

I painted my dog's nails to this, once. Best waste of a Saturday night ever. [But she shakes her head a little, waving a hand.] I'd serenade you guys, if I knew anything serenade worthy...You know, I could seriously use some Starbucks right now, and I know, I'm dating my generation really hideously with that but sometimes a mocha frappe really brightens a day. Or a week. Especially one like this has been.

Did you know they make alcoholic whip cream? It tastes kind of like bad maple syrup. ....Which I know only through hearsay, of course, I mean obviously. [Have a look that is totally innocent but also says lol not really.] I wonder if there's any in the pub. I bet that in some coffee would be a great pick-me-up.

[She starts strumming the guitar. Nothing really magical, just a chord or two or three in no particular order.] So do new people come in every month? I mean, it's starting to seem like that, but Jesus, how have we not hit overcrowding yet?

[Private to Heero]

Did you come through okay?

[Private to the Admiral]

Can I have a pair of those safari vest things,and giant nets? ...And one safari hat.

[Olive situates the camera, sitting at her desk and peering over her shoulder at her room. There are some clothes visible on the floor peeking out from behind her bed, and on the floor is what looks like a bunch of little red pieces of cloth. It's hard to tell that they're A's.

Olive smiles, and scratches the back of her neck.] So this is kind of weird. I keep thinking my parents are about to walk in. But no, it's just a crazy, kind of creepy boat hallway outside. So. No worry about that, I guess.

[Pause. She runs a hand through her hair uncomfortably, then laughs. It's kind of forced and lame.]...Well this is awkward. So, uh, hi, my name's Olive. Penderghast, for what it's worth. Aaaand I'm a new warden here. On your boat. Of the Damned, or whatever you guys call it. You'd think a giant ship sailing through outer space would have a title a little more, I don't know...flamboyant? Than 'The Barge.'

Right, so, questions. This thing does filters, right? Like friends lists on livejournal and facebook and blogspot? Oh and private stuff, it does that too, right? Hang on, I think I found--

[Private]

[Yes, she found the function, awesome. She waves at the camera. Pauses. Scratches the back of her head. Makes a face and bobs her head to an absent beat.] I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine... Oh my God, that song is going to be in my head for the rest of - I'm talking to myself. That's a good sign.

[Public again!]

Never mind! Got it. Totally. Under. Control. [She even makes a smooth hand gesture.]

Next question! These warden Item...things. Are they usually, uh. Weird and varied objects? [Muttered:] Or am I just reeeaaally lucky.

Man, this is just like blogging. Except, people almost never reply to my blog - but, you know. Don't let holding to traditional norms stop you.

[And added some time later:] One more question, and points if you can tell me this, but who knows what a lemon squeeze and/or melon grab is?